Why do people come to TCCR?
- Written by Andrew Balfour
There are many different reasons why people decide to make an appointment. At TCCR we see couples and individuals from right across the social spectrum, so there is no ‘typical’ person who is more suitable to come here than any other.
Some couples come because communication has become very difficult between them – they're feeling stuck in familiar patterns of misunderstanding or arguments. Sometimes these arguments are very difficult to control, and for some may lead to violence. Others find they're in conflict over the children, leading to rows or stand-offs, or leaving them concerned about the impact of the relationship difficulties on the children. Sometimes an affair is the trigger for seeking help: this may be a new discovery for some but for others there's a longstanding pattern of infidelity.
There can be other reasons for wanting help - the birth of a new baby, children leaving home, moving into retirement, becoming unemployed – life changes requiring new adjustments. Some people come when they are facing such issues, anticipating that they will bring difficulties. Others may already be aware of feelings of dissatisfaction in the relationship or the feeling that things could be better than they are now. For some, there is a loss of intimacy but the commitment to understand what has happened and why things have changed. For others, there may be the feeling that the relationship has broken down – there may be a painful struggle with separation or divorce that people want help with. Loss of sexual desire and other sexual problems also bring people to TCCR.
We are experienced in helping people with all of these difficulties – and of course, many others too. If you don’t see your particular situation in this list, this does not mean we cannot help you. The range of problems people bring is as wide as the diversity and differences that there are between people. And the problems people first bring may turn out to have very different underlying meanings from what had been assumed – to be about issues that have not yet been thought about. Understanding this can be an important discovery, leading to new ways of thinking and fresh solutions that people could not get to alone. You may feel unsure about whether your feelings warrant being taken seriously enough to book an appointment or concerned that they are not ‘normal’ or that no one would be able to help. This is a common experience.
It can feel like a big step to get professional help for what may be the most private area of your life. But feeling isolated and alone with difficulties that you have been unable to sort out for yourselves – this is one very common experience of couples and individuals who contact us. If you are still unsure then you can explore whether getting help at TCCR is right for you at your first appointment – where the therapist you see will be trying to understand with you what has brought you to us and to think about what would be most helpful for you in your current situation.